My Story With Horses. Vicki Jayne Yates BA Hons.

My mum wasn’t happy for me to go back to these stables. She researched and found a brilliant riding school for my sister and I to learn to ride. Kingswood, run by Wendy Pauling (back then known as Wendy Walker). Wendy ensured my sister and I learnt to ride correctly with no short cuts. I now know a very classical approach is what we got taught. It was here I found my first love – Ben. A bay pony. I guess my love of bay horses comes from him.

Not only did Wendy teach us to ride, she taught us how to care for the ponies. We learnt to groom, plait, tack up, clean tack, learn about tack and how it is used, muck out, feeding, first aid, turn out, catch and lead the ponies and so much more. My mum joined us in learning to ride here. That is how it began and our family fell in love with horses. We had a solid foundation gifted in the lessons we learnt from Wendy and her team.

Photo - My First Love Ben. 

Those around me judged, even ridiculed me for doing things very differently. I was even called a maverick and I wear that badge with pride. As I am indeed a maverick. One of many articles I wrote was - Maverick that was published in Horsemanship Magazine. I listened to my horse and went about finding an approach that was right for us both. Not bend to the considerable pressure to conform or to align myself to an ethos that my intuition felt wasn’t a good fit. There was no going back.

With what I learnt it became impossible for me to carry on teaching at a riding school as my eyes had been opened.

Merlot was a horse many would not dare go near. My sister even said “it costs no more to keep a good horse than a bad one”. I never saw a bad horse in Merlot, I saw a damaged soul. I invested my all into helping Merlot, and bit by bit he let me in. He went from a horse that hated me, to one who would look up, neigh to me, leave the herd and come to me.

It was about this time people saw the results I was getting with Merlot. People started to ask me to help them with their horses. So I went freelance.  The lessons Merlot taught me helped so many other people and their horses unpack a tangle of issues. I often was a last resort call when all else had failed. One such example was Storms story. This got published in Horsemanship Magazine in an article Riding the Storm. I can say in my lifetime of being in the equine industry I have seen stuff that haunts me.  

Photo of Merlot and I. Permissive riding where I looked for assent from Merlot enabled us to no longer require a bridle. 

For me there is a blurred line between horsemanship and healing. As many of us are on profound personal journeys with our equines. On a personal level horses have healed me. My Merlot was the first horse to offer me healing. He was not the only one who suffered abuse. 

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms. My biological dad wasn’t kind to me. As a child I knew nothing different, and didn’t even think it could be classed as abusive, I grew up thinking it was normal. Sadly this led me into adult life to accept abuse from partners.

It was when my soul companion Merlot passed to spirit, it opened my eyes to the abusive relationship I was in with my then partner. He was cheating on me yet again. And the day my beloved Merlot passed to spirit he just said “You knew he would die” and went out the door to see the other woman.

Something inside me turned that day. I was fed up with the lies, mind games, bullying and when he was drunk the bruises he left on me. I realised just like Merlot I did not deserve this. I rescued Merlot, and the day he died it hit me hard that no one was going to rescue me. It was up to me to free myself from this relationship. Unlike a horse I had a choice, I didn’t have to stay in this relationship.

I owed it to my Merlot to honour his life lessons he gifted me and take that brave step. Just as he had taken that brave step with me. That brave step of freeing myself eventually led me to find my darling Steve who I married.

Photo of my Soul Companion Merlot.

I turned him out in the field and off he went to settle into the herd. The next day, he wasn’t going to be caught. So I spent 2 hours in the field negotiating closing the gap between him and myself until he gave me permission to approach. Then I gave him a carrot and departed so he could ponder that.

The next day I could see he was thinking….ok she has carrots….maybe lets her check out. So no fuss….he allowed me into his space, to touch him, pop a head collar on and give him carrots. I could see some degree of scepticism in his eyes. So I didn’t do anything other than make a huge fuss of him, finding his sweet spots where he liked to be scratched and let him leave when he was ready, which was a considerable time he loved sweet spot scratches.

Day three he walked over to check me out, here is the lady who does excellent sweet spot scratches and has carrots. He was relaxed in my company and not at all bothered. Again I let him leave when he was ready.

Day four he came trotting over to see me and presented his favourite spot to be scratched…..his bottom! So I could tell he wasn’t scared of me, so it was more to do with what he associated interactions would be after he was caught. I could see it wasn’t about being beaten, as touch didn’t induce any flicker of fear or anxiety. So it was something else.

I remember how he was foot perfect, so compliant when we viewed him. It led me to think he switched into a learnt helplessness state. He hadn’t been allowed to express an opinion so he just gave in and did exactly as requested.

So that first day at his new home, in the field was the only place he could feel safe to express himself. I knew as he realised we would allow him to have an opinion we would be in for some interesting conversations. And for sure we did have interesting conversations.

I learnt from Moss that the previous approach he experienced the joy had been sucked out interacting with humans, prior training had been serious and drilling. Once he realised this wasn’t our approach we discovered Moss had a high play drive, and a high level of curiosity to learn.        

Photo - Left Moss, Centre in the background  Merlot. Right Guinness.          

Ruby had all her paperwork back to the breeders and full history including notes written by her previous humans along with news clippings about her father and mother. Wow, her dad stood as a serving stallion at Jennie Loriston-Clarke’s yard and Ruby’s mum was a national driving champion.

It was clear Ruby had always been treasured, cherished and loved by all her humans. There was no baggage or unpacking to do at all.

This horse saw me on a soul to soul and heart to heart level on day one. I didn’t have to earn it. She expected it.

Ruby wasn’t the name on her passport yet a real Ruby Red she was, a rare and precious jewel.

I introduced her to positive reinforcement and she adored it and I quickly discovered she loved to problem solve and to share chilling out time with me.

There was no escaping that she knew me inside out. She knew how I felt. One experience that stands out was when my life was hard, my darling husband Steve was diagnosed with leukaemia. During treatment Steve got seriously ill and was in hospital. Ruby knew my heart was breaking.

In the field she walked up to me and with her liquid eyes she looked deep in my soul, she saw my pain. She used her head to pull me into her chest and my tears fell into her mane. I stopped crying and realised time had stopped, the two of us sharing a bubble of love that I have never felt so strongly and intensely from another horse. Her message was simple. I am here for you. Time and love will heal this.

I saw this horse had the same qualities angels do. Earth angels are all around us, some have 2 legs and some have 4. Some call it a spirit, others a soul. I believe we and our animals have this energy, be it called a spirit or a soul. These love bonds between souls are eternal. Ruby passed to spirit and her wisdom still is felt as she is one of my spirit guides. She made herself present in spirit during my journey with breast cancer.        

Photo of the article Earth Angels that I wrote and it was published in Horsemanship Magazine.  Click here to read the article.   

I know from experience horses come to me for a reason. It was Kez who laid the non ridden agenda at my feet. Thousands like Kez have no loving guardians and end up in the dark underbelly of the equine world with the truth hidden. They get passed on, they go from pillar to post, through auctions or worse dumped and abandoned. Many get neglected or abused. In a world geared towards riding, non ridden equines are the most likely to suffer. I have seen first-hand these souls.

Yet again Wendy gave me a golden nugget in a question about what is out there for people who have horses they can’t ride. So between this question and the dire equine crisis out there it became clear Kez was asking me to step up.

Steve and I set up the original Non Ridden Equine Facebook group. Little did we know when we set up the group tens of thousands would join. It hasn’t ever stopped growing. Social media is a wonderful way for like-minded people to connect, share stories and showcase good practice.

The non ridden agenda I started took on a global life force, and people contacted me from all over the world to set up their own non ridden groups. I was approached by magazines from far and wide. The non ridden agenda was getting on the radar from not just the UK, but also in the USA and Canada with magazines writing articles about my non ridden work.

Click here to go to the Non Ridden Equine Facebook group.  

However it was clear to influence change we needed a collective voice outside of social media. So a small group of us set up the not for profit, formally constituted Non Ridden Equine Association UK. It had a website and showcased all the wonderful non ridden opportunities out there for all to enjoy as everything non ridden is great for all equines be they ridden or not. It had a huge resource bank and we made everything FREE to access.

The team who worked on this did so unpaid. Much of the work fell in my in-tray.

Standing above the parapet we regularly got shot at, abused and bullied. The association ran for 4 years. The equine industry we set up the association for as a platform to showcase good practice made it impossible to continue. The stress, unpleasantness and threats took its toll on my health.

It was during this period I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was struggling with cancer treatment, the after effects of treatment and the gift it gave me of post-traumatic stress disorder. I was seriously unwell.

At my lowest I nearly took my own life and if my mum hadn’t been at home that day I would have done it. Healing is not pink and fluffy, it can be brutal and raw. I had to heal my mind, body, spirit and soul. This I could not do under constant harassment, bullying and threats.

The entire committee for the Non Ridden Equine Association UK voted to close the association down. The people who pushed me and the committee to this know who they are. I will not name and shame them. They will have to live with what they did. They contributed in pushing me to the point I wanted to end my life. Plus destroyed the Non Ridden Equine Association UK which was set up from the heart for the greater good for all. No wonder equines suffer in this world.

Part of my recovery included healing from my friend Sally Anne Roberts. This healed my spirit and soul. It was intense, powerful and included Kez. He appeared to Sally wearing a war bridle standing over my legs as I lay on the ground. (He doesn’t have a war bridle and has never stood over my legs, but a powerful image with a message).

Kez was a huge part in my healing. He never wavered. He stood by me like a strong solid warrior to help me fight cancer. Every step of the way Kez was there. At my sickest he saw my fragility, rawness and how broken I was. Just as I had stood by him, Kez stood by me. He helped me to get physically stronger, to get fitter and emotionally he saw my mind and held space for my healing. He wove healing deep into my soul. Our healing journey I shared with an article The Warrior Horse that was published in Horsemanship Magazine. 

As I worked my way through my healing I gave myself Reiki and shared the Reiki with Kez. Often we shared times and still do in a blissful bubble of contentment and love, just like I did with Ruby.

Kez is a warrior and a healer. Horses carry this wisdom in their soul. When I got well enough Kez reminded me to pick up being a warrior and stand with him for non ridden equines. One door closed, it left room for other doors to open.

I looked to Kez, the reason I started this non ridden journey for inspiration. And there it was right under my nose. All the wonderful things we do, all my knowledge and experience, I had to share it.

I created a Facebook page for Kez where we share our stories and experiences. I also created two banks of resources on my website that I gift for FREE to all who would like them. Kez's Club packed with non ridden resources, great for all equines be they ridden or non ridden. Plus Horsemanship Resources, all my published artiucles and blogs. Also I gift with love themed detailed resources you can download for FREE, for more information check under the Equine Offerings and check out the different themed sections. Click here to go to Kez's Facebook Page. 

Photo taken during my cancer treatment.  

•         If you are presented with a horse with a negative or sceptical outlook on connecting and bonding with a human. To move from a negative mind set of no to yes there is a lot of maybe to travel through. Make sessions positive and rewarding. Ensure your horse learns nothing bad will happen and time with you is safe and fun. With deeply held trauma we must place a value on showing every interaction holds no pain or fear. Then you will see the horse start to evaluate things differently, and see you differently from the previous humans. When offering your horse positive enjoyable interactions your horse needs to mentally process and consider its response. Expect and allow your horse to express how it feels. It is very valuable feedback on how you are doing. You can adjust or rethink what and how you are doing things. It is ok for your horse to say no. Look for the first tentative maybe and the door is opening. Your horse may go back to no again. This is ok and expect that. As given time and patience your horse will consider maybe again. It will happen more frequently. Once at that stage let your horse learn, process, don’t rush. Lavish positive reinforcement and you will discover the shift happens to yes. Horses with troubled pasts the no phase may take a long time. Along with all this you need to forgive any unwanted behaviour instantly and not take it personally.
•         Spend time just being with your horse. Not doing. For many people it is an eye opener to just be with their horse. To just be with a horse is to put aside our agendas. We can easily get hung up on doing stuff with our horses. Have a go at quietly watching, observing him interacting within the herd and his environment. From simply being you can extend into simple interactions that form the basis of meaningful two way open conversation.

Be loyal, dependable and consistently tell the truth to your horse. Ignore the unconstructive, hurtful and negative comments from other people who are always ready to point out the “naughty horse”. 

The tips I give to you with love. 

Photo of Kez and I taken 2022